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# Re: Socialization

#### Message 02459 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Re: Socialization
- From: "Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>
- Date: Sat, 17 Apr 2004 20:11:51 -0000
- In-reply-to: <20040417181022.57993.qmail@...>
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Dear Lidia and Antiloop,

    First of all, thank you for your replies :) I have to agree with
    nearly everything you wrote.
    I'm not sure how did it sound in my previous post, but I have no
    doubts regarding my choice to change my character and strive towards
    my own standards. But, I also have no interest in actively trying to
    change my frinds' characters - whenever the time is right for them,
    they will decide to do it - all I wish to be is just a positive
    influence :)
    After a few conversations and thoughts today, I believe that I
    reached the gist of the problem: regardless of all of my efforts to
    convince them otherwise, my friends and the people around me
    automatically feel that the standards I aim for, are the bar by
    which I judge everyone, instead of myself alone.
    Just oh-so-recently, I would have reacted in the same way as they do
    in such situations. The memories are very vivid and fresh (and I
    intend to keep them this way :), and I cannot feel naught but
    empathy and the deepest sympathy towards my friends.
    I have tried everything I could think of to show them that I have no
    judgement of their actions whatsoever, and that my goals are mine
    alone, but it doesn't seem to work.
    The problem is most noticable with my significant other. Whenever
    she feels bad about a situation, the first thing I do is comfort
    her. Regardless of the event, I tell her that I fully understand and
    sympathize with her actions (only when she asks for my opinion, of
    course). It is only when that dreaded question regarding my own
    hypothetical actions in such a situation arises, that the problems I
    described begin.
    I find it very difficult to accept that the problem is in my
    surroundings and not in some facet of my own actions, but I just
    don't know what is it, or what can I do...?

    Sincerely,
    Daniel Gutmanas

- Follow-Ups:
  - Re: Socialization
    - From: "antiloop1111" <jasoncorell@...>
  - Re: Re: Socialization
    - From: "Rawn Clark" <rawnclark@...>

- References:
  - Re: Socialization
    - From: Lidia Avseeva <lidia_av@...>

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