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# fatigue

#### Message 03376 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: fatigue
- From: "David Yeh" <ldreamr@...>
- Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 01:19:24 -0000
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Hi, I have an issue that has me a bit stumped. I've been trying to
    study this from various angles, but I am at the point where some
    input from others might be helpful.

    In the mental arena, I'm at the very first level of Step One. I
    find that I can follow what happens in my mind fairly easily.
    However, what happens in my mind tends to remain somewhat agitated
    or fast, rather than the "slow thoughts" Rawn described somewhere.
    When it does slow down, I start to drift into a brain-fog state of
    semi-sleepiness.

    When I delved into this further, I became aware that for much of my
    life my physical body has been fairly depleted of energy. In order
    to compensate for constant lack of sleep (caused by early school
    hours and poor diet, I suspect), I learned to develop a constant
    level of mental and physical tension in order to stay awake. It's
    like gradually squeezing a sponge more and more tightly to get more
    water out of it.

    The problem, of course, is that now that I am learning to relax my
    mind, the sleepiness is surfacing. It seems simple at first -- get
    more sleep! However, I am not convinced it is entirely about sleep,
    as I've gotten plenty of sleep over the past few days and the
    sleepiness still lingers. There was another period a few years ago
    when I was sleeping a *lot* every day, and my body felt relaxed and
    heavy when I woke up, but paradoxically I would often be almost as
    sleepy as when I went to sleep. What I have been experiencing
    recently feels similar.

    It could be an issue of vital-energy; I'm considering taking up some
    energy-building practice like qigong to build that up.

    There are some emotional issues involved, but I am sort of confused,
    since they seem like chicken-or-egg things. For instance, one issue
    I have is that I dislike fully inhabiting my body. But do I dislike
    being in my body because I have so little energy and therefore it is
    difficult to use it well, or do I have difficulty using it well
    because I dislike it?

    So I guess I have two basic questions:

    (1) Generally, what are people's perspectives on my problem, and do
    you have any advice?

    (2) Regarding the thought control meditation in IIH: I feel as if I
    am certainly "participating" on some level, but I am essentially
    able to watch my thoughts whiz by without doing anything about
    them. I can watch myself tense up or skip among different
    thoughts. Sometimes my mind settles down only to speed back up
    again. I *think* I'm meeting the goal Bardon described, but I am
    not sure about the quality of my results, ie my mind doesn't seem
    entirely relaxed so might I be doing something wrong? I am
    evidently participating to the extent that I tense up to keep myself
    awake, but if I am aware, in a detached way, of this habitual mental
    *reflex*, does that qualify as a distraction? And, more generally,
    should I be setting the mental work aside until I regain the ability
    to relax mentally without falling asleep, or should I proceed,
    or ... ?

    Thanks for your help.

    David

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