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# Socialization

#### Message 02456 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Socialization
- From: "Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>
- Date: Sat, 17 Apr 2004 14:52:13 -0000
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Dear Friends,

    Recently, there appeared a problem which I keep repeatedly
    encountering. Whenever I am with a person who gets (for example)
    angry at something, for whatever reason, I help them calm down and
    relax. After that, they usually ask me if I think they did okay by
    getting angry. I tell them that I see anger as a perfectly natural
    reaction, especially in the situation they were in. Then, follows
    the problematic question: "do you think it would have been better
    not to get angry?"
    I cannot lie to them, and I tell them that I do believe that anger
    is a negative reaction, and it is better to be able to transform
    that anger, but in no way does it make their reaction less natural.
    After that, I usually get called "non-empathic, not-exactly-human-in-
    a-weird-way", etc. The same thing usually follows an event when
    I "should have" gotten angry, but reacted in a completely different
    way. People find that the standards I've set for myself are
    unnaturally high, and for some reason, they distance themselves from
    me because of that.

    As much as social alienation is a price I am willing to pay for
    Initiation, it's a price I firmly believe should not be on the
    pricetag!
    These people are my friends, and are close and dear to me. I can't
    deceive them by acting out my old negative features, but as I don't,
    they find it disturbing.. Is there anything I should change in
    myself, that I oversighted in this whole thing?

    I would very much appreciate any opinion, from anyone.

    Sincerely,
    Daniel Gutmanas

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