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# Step I Questions

#### Message 01743 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Step I Questions
- From: "Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>
- Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 14:04:21 -0000
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Hello everyone,

    I have very recently started the Step I work, and I have a number of
    questions.

    First, about Thought Control:
    When I start the exercise, my mind is a pretty quiet and peaceful
    place. Just about nothing transpires inside. After a short while, I
    suddenly start getting thoughts like "what should I be thinking
    about?", "am I even doing this right?", "the thoughts from before
    which did rise were [...].", "perhaps I should ask about this in the
    online message board?", "these thoughts seem like thoughts which
    describe what I'm observing, and yet I seem to observe them happening
    actively in my mind? Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?".
    Indeed, am I doing it right? Am I not the observer anymore once I
    start thinking about what I observe, or something like that?

    Also, I do not move at all during the exercise (this applies to the
    breathing exercise as well); I just lie flat on my bed, with my hands
    along my side, and do the exercise. As a result, my body goes
    somewhat numb after a very short while, but I'm still very much aware
    of it.
    Last time I did the breathing exercise, I suddenly started feeling as
    if I'm rapidly spinning around myself (although obviously I was
    not :) just after the 7th breath. This happened to me before from
    time to time, during meditation in which I tried to concentrate on
    mentally doing something while my body didn't move and was allowed to
    go somewhat numb.
    Last time I did the thought control exercise, I heard a very loud and
    disturbing pop, although I'm almost completely sure it wasn't a real
    sound.
    What does it all mean?

    As for the breathing and Eucharistic exerices:
    Before now, I used to think about my wish in words (e.g. "I bless
    this soup with willpower. I have a tremendous force of will. I can
    resist all temptations, [etc]."
    I felt that is needed, because I found out that I don't exactly have
    a complete internal definition for the word "willpower", so I had to
    clarify what exactly did I mean.
    Now, when I bless my food/before each breath, I visualize the
    following 2 short scenes: I'm in bed, under a comfy blanket, and the
    alarm clock rings. I turn it off, and continue sleeping. A big red X
    appears on the image. Then, I'm in bed again, and the alarm clock
    rings. Instead of turning it off, I rise, and go to do my business. A
    big green V appears.
    Then, while eating/circulating the breath in my body, I continue to
    verbally hold/repeat the thought just like before.
    I feel that this is much better, as I know ~exactly~ what I mean,
    instead of that ambigous (to me) "willpower".
    Is that okay?

    And, finally, my last question (I'm really sorry for this having so
    many questions, but at least so early in the beginning, I'd really
    like to know I'm doing everything right.):
    Before starting seriously working on IIH, I had a very bad period in
    my life during which I was highly addicted to sex (masturbation to be
    more correct). Then, one day, without any reason I can think of, all
    of my sex drive completely disappeared and an unsurmountable urge to
    start serious work on transforming myself into the way I want myself
    to be appeared.
    I indeed started working on IIH, and ~slowly~, my sex drive seems to
    be returning to ~natural~ levels, but... what exactly happened?
    I'm sorry if this is blunt/inappropriate, but I felt that it would be
    okay to ask..

    Thank you all in advance, it is very much appreciated,

    Daniel

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