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# Re: Doubts about the path

#### Message 02035 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Re: Doubts about the path
- From: "David Yeh" <ldreamr@...>
- Date: Fri, 02 Jan 2004 17:48:18 -0000
- In-reply-to: <bt349v+q57v@eGroups.com>
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Hello,

    Louis wrote:
    > Unfortunatly, Bardon is VERY barebones. Vacancy of mind is written
    > in only a few pages for IIH but Buddhism has attacked it quite a
    bit
    > more.
    >
    > Quite Honestly, IIH is correct without much in the way of trying to
    > back up what it is saying. All it is, is "do this and do this" no
    > questions asked and so on. Buddhism has gone so far into the
    > philosophy to mention "do this because of these reasons" with far
    > exceeding explanations.

    I think this is what I meant when I said that IIH seemed bare-bones.
    I notice that Rawn disagreed with this; if he would, I'd like to hear
    his response to this.

    I understand that it is more often the student's interpretation
    rather than the strength of the teaching that is in error. Maybe
    that is what has caused me to doubt. As I've said, I'm used to
    external guidance. There are a lot of people teaching a lot of
    things out there, and some of them seem to know something. To
    encounter a few paragraphs in IIH saying that one should make the
    mind vacant, and then to encounter reams of material about the clear
    light or mindfulness in Buddhist literature, made me compare the two
    and led me to wonder, why so much talk in one but not the other?

    To my beginner's eyes it doesn't seem that Bardon did much in the way
    of emphasizing any particular thing, the way some Buddhists meditate
    many hours a day or qigong masters work on their qi. And that lack
    of emphasis is perhaps what overwhelms me. No one is telling me what
    *I* need to work on most. To look at dealing with all of it at once
    is a lot to handle. I believe that my ego considered three options:
    (1) collapse under the pressure, (2) bail out for a
    seemingly "better" (easier) path, or (3) deal with it. My doubts
    came up because I was afraid of #1 and felt like doing #2.

    > so, my conclusion. (I think I touched on most of your questions
    > above)
    ...

    > Dont, laugh at this, but the way that I see the answer to your
    > question is with two mental pictures.

    To me it seems like BOTH are winding paths through difficult
    terrain. From afar it looks like the path I'm NOT on is straighter
    and shorter; then I get on that path, and the original path, or yet
    another path, looks even better.

    But that image does help. A lot of people have been saying
    interesting things about Buddhism that have influenced my thinking --
    in a way, actually, that has tempted me to "judge" it and therefore
    get back into the "my way is the best" trap. Which comes, again,
    from my own lack of faith/power/security in self.

    Roger wrote:
    <<<
    (1) Your development depends upon what YOU bring to the practice -
    not the qualities or presence of a Master. Over the years I have
    known many people who have lived with a Master(s) and not gained
    anything from it. And I have known others who have had very little
    contact with a Master, but Realized the True nature of their
    Being. (2) If and when you need a Master one WILL appear and it will
    not have anything to do with your seeking one. It will be given to
    you. So relax. Get out of your head!! Do something physical to get
    your self grounded. Enjoy.
    >>>

    and that helps. In any case I think the primary challenge of my
    practice, which is also the major thing that has shown up in my soul
    mirror, is my lack of faith in and love of myself. Resulting in many
    obstacles that obscure my clear vision into myself.

    This morning I had a very interesting experience. In thinking about
    all of these things, I came to realize that my intent was being
    confused with my desire. Desire/aversion as I define it is the
    tension between the NOW and a mental object (in Buddhist terms,
    attachment). Intent is simply the will to do; an aspect of pure
    awareness. I can intend to eat something whether or not I desire
    food.

    So I was asleep and dreaming, and in the dream I suddenly became
    aware of all of this in a wordless way. At that point I let go of my
    desires and became pure intent, for a tiny moment. The dream
    dissolved into a darkness that was also very bright, and I became
    filled with laughter, almost in an ecstasy.

    But a heartbeat later, I started thinking about it. Then I noticed
    that someone else was with me, someone I couldn't see. I became very
    frightened even in the midst of my laughter. Then I realized that it
    was myself -- my self. But I still couldn't see it, and I was still
    afraid. And I felt very cut off and lonely.

    So that is what I am left with, which is somehow, I think, my dream-
    self's commentary on all of my questioning. Pure
    intent/awareness/knowledge is with me right now, if I surrender to
    it. But at the same time, I am cut off, lonely, and afraid of my own
    shadow.

    I'm not sure entirely how this relates, but I guess I am recognizing
    more and more that this is an internal, soul-mirror issue.

    Thanks everyone for all of the perspectives, they have really helped
    me to see things -- to see myself -- from different angles.

    David

- References:
  - Re: Doubts about the path
    - From: "loumade_1999" <loumade_1999@...>

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