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# Some problems i created

#### Message 02070 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Some problems i created
- From: "kos_kou4" <kos_kou4@...>
- Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 13:19:28 -0000
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Hello friends,

    I started Bardon's course 5 months ago but it seems that I
    misunderstood some things. When I was just doing the meditations
    everything was ok but someday I read from these forums, and I
    thought, that with step 1 exercises the mind will be controlled and
    that I have allways to observe my thoughts. At the beginning
    everything was ok but I also was convinced that "now I will control
    my mind". One day I read in this forum that someone always has to
    observe his thoughts. So, I decided to really force myself to always
    observe my thoughts, I always had in my mind to observe my thoughts
    and I , mentally not physically, didn't do anything else except
    this. At the first day I was doing this it was ok, but in the
    evening I noticed that I had a pain in my head, some difficulty in
    concentration and I felt a little distand from everything. But I
    thought that in the morning I will be ok. At the next morning I was
    exactly the same and I had an anxious feeling and a real pressure
    inside my head. I begun to get scared about this but I didn't stop
    forcing myself to observe thoughts. At the end of that day the
    symptoms was worse and I was observing myself to move,talk,walk but
    it wasn't me that doing these. I was in a daze and I felt like
    something dragging me from reality. So, while I was observing myself
    doing things I started to think how am I doing these, how am I
    walk?, think?, whats the process of thinking? and generally things
    about how unconsious works. These thoughts made me really desperate
    and anxious because they have no answer and I just seeing them
    happening. I stopped to observe thoughts but it was out of control.
    The other day I remember that I had this thought "it seems that from
    now on I will be like this (a terrible force,pain inside my head,
    very anxious and very distand from reality) because it had to be
    like this, but I want to go back". When I saw that I couldn't go
    back and I was in a situation that I couldn't escape from it I had
    the strongest negative feeling I've ever had, a feeling of
    insecurity, desparation and helpless, and I thought that I am mad.
    After that I stopped Bardon's course and I was in this very
    unconfortable situation for 3 days. At the end of that third day I
    remember telling myself "this is nothing you just overdo it with
    observing thoughts, you are very sensitive and that's why you felt
    like this" and I was normal again! All the symptoms left in a second
    and I was healthy again. I started Bardon's course again and for 1
    month I was ok. But one day I had this thought "while taking
    Bardon's course maybe someday discover that I have psychic abilities
    of a phenomenal nature and that is a situation that I can never
    escape from, like the other I had a month ago" and the symptoms just
    came back but not so strong as the other time. I was in this
    situation for 3 months. I was anxious, felt a force inside my head,
    could't concentrate, felt like being in a daze, couldn't let myself
    go something bothered me all the time, there was times that I
    thought about unconsious work and I felt desparate, felt like trying
    to control whatever I said and did and this made me to speak very
    little and at nights before I sleep I sometimes felt that everything
    is a lie and something drugging me somewhere. All these was untill
    yesterday and today I went to a therapist and he told me that this
    (observing myself) was just a different kind of conciousness. But I
    didn't expect to see this conciousness, I expected when I was
    started to always observing my thoughts that I will have a change in
    my personality that will last, to observe my thoughts. And that's
    why when I felt like this(observing myself)I thought that was a
    naturall situation,a change, that will last forever and not just an
    another kind of consiousness. And it was from this that I thought
    that there is no turning back from that really unconfortable
    situation I was. I thought that I would have a change that will
    last, this change was anxious and negative emotions, and subconsious
    gave me these negative feelings as a change that will last. When I
    understand this misunderstood of mine I was again ok, but I feel
    oversensitive and afraid of changes.
    What I would really like from you please is to tell me your opinion
    about these, what should I do and how real changes comes in this
    course. Because if a change as psychic abilities comes to me as my
    personality is now this will be really scary and catastrophic. Also
    I can see that I can reach that state of consiousness very easily.
    Is this state "a safeguard" from negative emotions and thoughts?

    Thank you for your time

- Follow-Ups:
  - Re: Some problems i created
    - From: mark towse <bigimpact2003@...>
  - Re: Some problems i created
    - From: "amater_8" <izbezumljene_ovce@...>
  - Re: Some problems i created
    - From: "Rawn Clark" <rawnclark@...>

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