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# Recurring fear

#### Message 00216 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Recurring fear
- From: Newbieonekenhobby <newbieonekenhobby@...>
- Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 06:57:08 -0800 (PST)

    After 1-2 weeks working on the first exercise of the
    first level (!), I was obliged to recognize that a
    peculiar, specific and recurring problem was
    preventing a "full scale concentration" during my
    practice.

    This problem is a fear of being disrupted or assaulted
    during the exercise (even if I'm alone in my flat),
    which obliges me to keep a certain portion of my mind
    observing and watching, the result being that only
    60-80 % of my consciousness are allocated to the
    exercise, while the rest is "expecting something to
    happen".

    Physical assaults and disruptions took place in the
    past I must say (outside meditations, but frequently
    when I was quiet), so my "strategy" became to be
    always alert, with the "alarm switched <on>".
    I know this sounds quite pathological, but I need to
    solve it - and I'm gonna solve it this time.

    In the past, the fact that I was fearing something
    each time I meditated had a funny side-effect, meaning
    that I learned to reach alpha level and deeper quite
    rapidly (getting eyes movements etc.) as well as
    coming back earlier than the other students. Although
    I had good results from my visualizations, all this
    doesn't help me now when practicing the Bardon system,
    which implies staying in the exercise a fixed amount
    of time.

    ...And I realize now that I was never 100 % in my
    previous practices, regardless of what I may have
    believed at that time, and that this fear was present
    at the back of my mind all the time - even outside my
    meditations. Always unconsciously looking above my
    shoulder, so to speak.

    I obviously tried to look at the elements-related
    components (Fire and Air and Water maybe, not to speak
    about Earth :-), but I have problems determining what
    belongs to the cause, to the effect, and especially
    what the cure is :-)

    How can I solve that ? How can I suppress that fear ?

    Many thanks
    NB

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