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# attempt to dig deep into fear

#### Message 01903 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: attempt to dig deep into fear
- From: "amater_8" <izbezumljene_ovce@...>
- Date: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 23:39:01 -0000
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

     Hello,
    I noticed most of the posts here are questions of some sort, so I
    though of adding some observations of mine conserning the soul mirror
    work, just a small fragment of it. There are still questions in this
    post to be answered though, and claims to which you may not disagree,
    but this is forum so feel free to write in.

    Fear: I have found this to be the most confuzing motive for action.
    Trying to fit some character trait which is caused by fear into one
    of four elemental cathegories appeared to be very hard to me. Lets
    look at shyness. People are oftenly fast to identify it as a product
    of water element, without much tought, but lets place some here
    anyway. Long post, but those who are interested will read it.

    Shyness - we can call it... fear of people? But it can't trully be
    fear of people in a manner in which we would be afraid of a
    disgusting gigantic worm. Shy people are not disgusted by humans
    (unless if it distorts later into misantrophy), they actually would
    love to be able to comunicate with them in a normal way, but they
    can't. Because when they try, they start to get scared about how well
    will they perform their role of a normal, un-shy person. And when you
    are scared, you freeze (I haven't studied psychology so I can't tell
    exactly why, maybe someone else can). Fear comes because we actually
    *care* about what other people will think of us.

    So it becomes apparent that more exact description would be... fear
    of peoples opinion? But its still not good enough to identify this
    obviously negative character trait.

    Maybe fear of the possibility that your superficial appearence will
    for some reason make certain person think worse of you, which would
    be horrible for your ego? Ah - hold on. Ego? Isn't that thingy which
    is usually product of fire element? You know... egoist, man with over
    developed sense of self-importance. Why is that term showing its ugly
    head when we tought that shyness is caused by pure water element, as
    Bardon suggested us? Well, it seems that nothing is as simple as it
    may appear on first IIH reading. We were kindly warned that we should
    meditate on our traits and especially on what caused them, and go
    deeper and deeper. And deeper.

    Words like 'lust', 'lazyness', 'rage' are just that - words. Words
    won't help you realize what those negative traits really are. For
    example if you repeat words to yourself and concentrate only on how
    they sound, soon they'll lose their meaning to you. And it will seem
    strange to you how you were ever able to attach that empty array of
    letters with certain emotion and think its the same thing. Thats the
    reason why sorting negative traits into elemental cathegories is so
    hard. It is not the word itself that you are trying to find place
    for, but complex group of activities in your mental level. That is
    why Bardon asks us to write down specific situations in which our
    traits manifested themselves, so for example if you are lazy in
    general you can't just write 'lazyness' and then go and take a nap.
    You have to do something radical which is against your nature and
    take your initiation as an act of war. And then try hard to make
    yourself write down exact events and occurrances in which you showed
    lazyness even if it takes you a month. Then admire the strength of
    your new-found will. :)

    But lets get back to the shyness, which is undisguised as fear of
    letting your ego getting hurt by another existance. Maybe you decided
    that you already found the solution for this problem - reduce the
    ego. But rushed solutions are not what I am interested in, I'll
    decide about that once I reach the second step of the book. I'm still
    conserned about what elemental cathegory this confuzing, double-faced
    and all around ugly trait belongs to. Meaning, I'll dig further.

    How or why does ego get hurt? What does it mean? Maybe secretly shy
    person wants to be admired for its outstanding abilities, which quite
    possibly exist. After all, one of the ways for ego to become that
    vournerable is isolated childhood, during which the child is drawn to
    inhabit its own worlds, and is surely practicing to be creative and
    imaginative. Those skills are usually praised by general public, but
    the uncomunicative person which owns them lacks the practice in
    social skills, and will show them rarely.

    So, the ego of that person is aware of its worthiness and it simply
    can't allow itself to be tought of any worse then it deserves. So,
    once the individual through hard lessions learns that he lacks the
    skills to show his true self before another living man, he will in
    future either avoid contacts when ever he can, or will try hard to
    have them but will most of the time fail to use his full resources.
    Because he has fear of not being able to come up with right thing to
    say, and when he say something he'll fear that he said the wrong
    thing. And he probably will. Doesn't that sound like trying to talk
    some girl into a date for the first time? It is like a state of
    shock, and some people actually live their life like that all the
    time.

    So, can we be satisfied with calling shyness a... fear of failure?
    Ah - you noticed I started using the word 'fear' again, and since I
    still don't know what fear is I guess we are not even close to
    solution. A thought arives - can't we just call shy person a wimp and
    a coward, and try to meditate on coresponding element? I guess I
    could do that, but this issue is too personal and I must dig further,
    as for the rest of you, you don't have to read this to the end,
    unless you are interested. I think I'm about to make an important
    point though. *tickle*

    Fear of failure - why does this fear thing actually PREVENTS us to
    achieve our goal? I'd like to hear a word from learned psychiatrist
    here. This is not alarming kind of fear which helps you gain legs and
    find a way out, it actually freezes you from performing rational
    actions and it makes you look weird to your fellow man. You fear that
    something will happen and - it happens. And you are too frozen to
    prevent this. What is this thing that has its own will, subconcious?
    And how to fight it, with sheer bravery? Simply put, being bold and
    brave is not that easy when.. you're not. So actually, you don't
    think you are brave enough, thats how the fear can molest you. As a
    matter of fact it is maybe so because, in this case, the trait has
    developed into something more serious and destructive.

    Or maybe thats what it always truly was... a fear of SUCCESS. Sorry
    for typing capitals here, but it was really enlightening for me when
    I came to this tought. Here, sense of self worth is actually reduced,
    at subconcious level. I won't exactly write how or why, I think it
    would be best for people to meditate for themselves on this twist in
    a plot. Especially if you have some of the problems, described here,
    because you ARE a victim of a plot, very cunning one, seems like its
    there to totorture you, but its actually made for you to crack it
    down and maybe even one day set yourself free. I'd also love to hear
    your opinions conserning various kinds of fears and their placement
    within the system of four elements.

    May you all be thorough in searching the answers, dig deep.

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