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# Re: Another Step One question - EOM

#### Message 01754 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Re: [BardonPraxis] Another Step One question - EOM
- From: "lux xul" <luxxul@...>
- Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 16:04:49 +0000
- Bcc:

    Ok. A description and question:

`In the process of IIH one, I eventually instead enter what is described below as EOM (?) ..`
`b/c I find I am observing nothing but an occasional 'sense' of a thought 'below the surface' and I sense I am 'looking down at it'.. actually 'feeling down at it'.. or noting its feeling 'lower' than I am 'focused'.. hard to describe.`
`B/c I may be intent on IHH step one, I expect (a sense of waiting invitation) 'thoughts'. I dont believe I get any for some time.`
`I instead sense images that I *understand/comprehend* as containing the question and the answer or the whole thought. I sense the complete thought in the feeling I receive from the expereince of the image and then i let it go, believing that is a "thought".`
`Realising that I may be incorrect (and probably are) (again a sense and not a *heard* formulated formal thought..`
`I create one (by changing the *concreteness * of the sense that prior was images sensed or feelings sensed flowing about... so that I may 'compare' the *created one* to the *experienced* one (if it was a thought) and try to *discern* the answer as an understanding (as a understanding felt/experienced and not a thought completed or seperated).... "Show me a thought"..`
`I then find *myself* observing myself (inside and outside and peripheral and focused within the same expereince (?)) in the past creating a 'thought' in daily everyday life action .. like "WHo is that?" .`
`I DONT UNDERSTAND or DEFINE it as a thought at the time, I simply UNDERSTAND that is the experience of what I seek to *comprehend*... and then I comprehend w/o seperation from the comprehension ( thats probably an illusoin).. it is an experience of comprehension/integration and being the question and the answer and the combination of the experience.. , not an observing of comprehension..`
`I then ask.. actually.. its not wording.. its "intending with invitation" "what is an idea"..`
`I am (my focus) then 'moved'(?) to observe/experience the experience of that which preceeded the thought.. I get no immediate visual .. its more like an experiential understanding or comprehending... I then *intend* ( I AM the intention). ."What is behind the idea.. what intends the idea... what is the soul of the idea.. what is its essence" (sum that up as the intention I am at the time)..`
`I then find my focus (not easy to describe) in an experince of no images and almost a sense of timelessness and disconnectedness.. like not having any roadmaps.. but knowing there are no roads here and intead, identity or intendness.. beingness-like w/o questioning it.. again.. difficult to explain. Its almost like resting on one spot w/o space and almost w/o a sense of space and a sense that there is no time.. its almost a color (i try to perscieve it as SOME -- THING, and cannot.. there is no THING 'vocabulary' in this 'focus'.. instead, there is a sense of being/intending being at that non-spot.`
`Just at the proverbial 'edges' of that sense of focus is a sense or a expectation that there is more to this 'identity' than the focus "I am" can at that moment integrate as its more complete comprehension of itself (?). I am (the focus) the edge of *not intending*, instead, its resting. endless resting. like waiting w/o sound, etc. almost =without interest= in =not-waiting=. A sense that *all* (and unser of what all is,not really interested at that point) happens 'below'/'distant echo'. Like one IS and b/c one IS, THAT which is (elsewhere?) IS... and thats how "i" *is* at once. (pls try not to vomit in the absurdity of my descriptions and masonganistic dillusions.)`
`Then I dont have a question to intend (actually like having no language to use to formulate an intention.. i am , at that time, more inclined (?) to wait b/c I dont know HOW to intend (?) or what I want to intend (?).. (I feel foolish describing this but I wonder what Rawn has to say).`
`so I return to my focus in the IHH step one effort, wondering if a thought SOUNDS loud in the mind, and I am tempted to try again.`
`In the description above, I do not fall asleep. I am *physically aware* if I choose .. its like remembering something and drawing the intention in its direction that I am supposed to be doing something and I am LOOKING (inviting ? being drawn to?) for the essence of that DOING . .I recall my intent.. but it does not draw the focus elsewhere until I let it.. or let my focus surrender to that *already-listening-and-waiting* intent.`
`DOes this make any sense? Or does it simply sound like silly delusional belaboring? I am very aware of the distinction b/t sleep and moving int a lucid or normal dream. i *know* what the difference is b/t finding oneself experincing a dream during meditation and then returning from that 'edge' to the meditation and realising the dream, etc. This was not the same thing as I describe above. It was not accidental, but at each step aware and intended. Each 'step' lost a level of diversity and language .. i felt at one point as if I was *groping for a language to 'move' my intent* to the next more subtle 'curiostiy'. ALmost like trying to stimulate an organ that is not physical but is used to filter a 'fluid' that ones 'intent' is suspended in.`
`I risk my vain insecurity here Rawn, to request your comments. Please.. no flames folks. :)`

    G-d Bless.

    :T:

>     From: "Rawn Clark" <rawnclark@...>
>     Reply-To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
>     To: <BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com>
>     Subject: Re: [BardonPraxis] Another Step One question - EOM
>     Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 15:28:57 -0800

>     Dear David,

>     >> What do I do if I am trying to practice emptiness of mind and
>     hypnagogic (pre-sleep) imagery keeps coming up? They aren't entirely
>     consciously controlled, more like random images that pop into my
>     head, <snip>

>     If this wasn't happening around your being sleepy, I'd say you were
>     encountering another of the many layers one encounters with continued
>     practice of the EOM.

`
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