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# Re: Step I Questions

#### Message 01745 of 3835

- To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
- Subject: Re: Step I Questions
- From: "Alan Cook" <fish_studios@...>
- Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 17:41:21 -0000
- In-reply-to: <boo5t5+pa2q@eGroups.com>
- User-agent: eGroups-EW/0.82

    Dear Daniel,

    >> First, about Thought Control:
    When I start the exercise, my mind is a pretty quiet and peaceful
    place. Just about nothing transpires inside. After a short while, I
    suddenly start getting thoughts like "what should I be thinking
    about?", "am I even doing this right?", "the thoughts from before
    which did rise were [...].", "perhaps I should ask about this in the
    online message board?", "these thoughts seem like thoughts which
    describe what I'm observing, and yet I seem to observe them happening
    actively in my mind? Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?".
    Indeed, am I doing it right? Am I not the observer anymore once I
    start thinking about what I observe, or something like that? <<

    Although the only one who can be certain of this is yourself, it does
    seem that you are participating in your thoughts. When your thought
    is: "Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?", it is probably a
    good indicator that you are no longer observing ;) If you *think*
    about observing than you are participating in the thought about
    observing. However if you *notice* that you have a thought about
    observing than that is fine. The main idea behind this exercise is
    to see what your mind does on a "normal" level. How it works in the
    mundane sense. So you just want to notice the thoughts that arise
    *naturally* in your mind without your help. It's the same as sitting
    down and waiting for an idea, any idea, to pop into your head. You
    then notice what this idea is and let it do whatever it does.
    The "twist" is that you do this for 5 minutes and work up to 10.
    What seems to usually happen is that you get thoughts coming in and
    then fading away. I say "usually" as everyone's mind works a bit
    different.

    >> Also, I do not move at all during the exercise (this applies to the
    breathing exercise as well); I just lie flat on my bed, with my hands
    along my side, and do the exercise. As a result, my body goes
    somewhat numb after a very short while, but I'm still very much aware
    of it.
    Last time I did the breathing exercise, I suddenly started feeling as
    if I'm rapidly spinning around myself (although obviously I was
    not :) just after the 7th breath. This happened to me before from
    time to time, during meditation in which I tried to concentrate on
    mentally doing something while my body didn't move and was allowed to
    go somewhat numb. <<

    I suggest that you give the breathing exercises a try while sitting
    upright in a chair. Really just sitting, doesn't necessarily have to
    be upright. The numbing sensation could be from a lack of
    circulation, as sometimes people will wake up at night and their arm
    maybe numb because it wasn't getting good circulation with the way
    they were sleeping.
    The spinning around, my guess (and purely a guess) is that for some
    reason you are becoming disoriented while doing the exercise. I had
    similar experiences when I was a child. While I was lying down I
    could create the sensation that I was being tilted or turning over
    and over, a weightless feeling. The problem was that after a while I
    couldn't control it and so I would just open my eyes. So next time
    it happens try and control it when it first starts. If you can, then
    you created the sensation. If you can't, just open your eyes :)
    Also, the next time it happens you can break from your exercise and
    explore the sensation and try and find what causes it.
    Another possibility is that you might be altering your normal
    breathing cycle. As this would affect the flow of oxygen and could
    create a disoriented effect, I just did it to test this out :) So
    make sure you are breathing normally.

    >> Last time I did the thought control exercise, I heard a very loud
    and disturbing pop, although I'm almost completely sure it wasn't a
    real sound.
    What does it all mean? <<

    I can't help you there. I'd suggest exploring it if it happens again.

    >> As for the breathing and Eucharistic exerices:
    Before now, I used to think about my wish in words (e.g. "I bless
    this soup with willpower. I have a tremendous force of will. I can
    resist all temptations, [etc]."
    I felt that is needed, because I found out that I don't exactly have
    a complete internal definition for the word "willpower", so I had to
    clarify what exactly did I mean.
    Now, when I bless my food/before each breath, I visualize the
    following 2 short scenes: I'm in bed, under a comfy blanket, and the
    alarm clock rings. I turn it off, and continue sleeping. A big red X
    appears on the image. Then, I'm in bed again, and the alarm clock
    rings. Instead of turning it off, I rise, and go to do my business. A
    big green V appears.
    Then, while eating/circulating the breath in my body, I continue to
    verbally hold/repeat the thought just like before.
    I feel that this is much better, as I know ~exactly~ what I mean,
    instead of that ambigous (to me) "willpower".
    Is that okay? <<

    I'm going to say that it is "sort of" okay ;) In order to integrate
    or transmute a trait you must hold a clear idea of the essential
    meaning of that trait. What it means for your life, how it will
    effect your life, etc. I don't think I could *describe* what "I am
    motivated" meant to me, but I *know* what it means. There's a
    difference there. If you *know* what saying "I possess an
    unshakeable will" means to you, you don't have to describe it. You
    formulate that meaning and impress it into you food, water, etc.

    Hope this helps some.

    All Will Go Well,
    --Alan

- References:
  - Step I Questions
    - From: "Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>

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